Numba 1

I cannot think of anything that bothers me more than having to stop something I am doing to pee. If I had an option of peeing for 24 straight hours, or however long it is that someone spends peeing in a year, and then not have to go for 364 days I would sign up in a heartbeat.
I typically don’t get scared or freaked out that often, but one thing that gives me the heeeeeby jeeeeeebies is waking up at 2 AM and having to pee. Back in the day when I lived in housing that had running water, this was not a big deal and the main obstacle was not turning on any lights and trying to keep my eyes closed the entire time because I always thought that if I opened my eyes at all then I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. But nowadays I have fallen into a routine when these inconvenient occurrences hit me. First, I whisper (so I won’t wake Bettina) out loud, “Shit!” which is followed by an internal debate on whether or not I can hold it for 6 more hours (the answer is always no). Then, I have to get up, put on my shoes, grab the flashlight and go down the stairs, around the deck, across a shaky mini-foot bridge, follow a little path and open the outhouse door. I am terrified of what I will run into on my walk - a rabided raccoon?! A werewolf?! A bear?! Paul?! I wonder if I should I walk quietly to not disturb anything or run as fast as I can? It always depends on what predator is after me. But, more importantly what weighs on my mind is what will be on the other side of the outhouse when I open the door - a dead body?!?! I would like it if Bettina would let me hold the flashlight and come with me and walk first so that she’d be the one to step on the snake and I would like her open up the door for me and sing happy songs for me as I pee. But, I don’t know her well enough to ask such a thing (…. yet). So, for now I will ban myself from drinking anything past 5 PM because I cannot keep doing this.

Side note: Rachel Wender pees more than anyone I know. Exaggeration is not needed when I say she must go somewhere between 13 - 16 times a day, depending on whether it is a weekday or a weekend. I know this because I lived with her for 4 years and have waited hundreds and hundreds of times on her to go to the bathroom. Rach - I think of you often on my bathroom expeditions. You would be in pure bathroom hell here.